Im"PECK"able Presidential Candidates

I'm not a very competitive person. I like to do things for fun. Bowling - use the bumper guards, Watching football - root for the team with the cutest coach. And, when my son's youth soccer team is whoopin' up on the other team I'm on the sidelines consoling the other team's goalie. So, I've just been waiting for y'all to whip out the political posts on your blogs so I can non-competitively enter the arena! There's too much cable news watching in this house. So, a few years ago I had to come up with some kind of interesting twist on how I was going to predict the Presidential favorite, just to keep my sanity. The last Presidential race I chose the "First Lady Material" test. In other words, who had the wife that seemed to fit the shoes of a First Lady the best. It worked just fine. I predicted the top dog just by judging outfits, hairstyles and congeniality. Of course, the queen of ketchup made that a pretty easy prediction. This year let's do "The Kiss" test. Meaning, if I woke up one morning and turned to see a presidential candidate lying next to me instead of my wonderful husband, John, would the candidate get a "Kiss" from me? "Kiss" being a metaphor for VOTE. Okay, so here we go;

JOHN EDWARDS- Ooh, I'm sorry John, with the expensive haircut and all, I think you're a little too METRO-SEXUAL for my taste. I bet your using more Mary Kay product than I am. You would need to rough-up your style a little before you would get a kiss from me. Maybe you should read my hairspray blog.

MITT ROMNEY- Ooh La La! Tall, dark, and handsome, now here's a guy I could look at on the TV for the next 4 years. But, Mitt, I'm just wondering...if I did "kiss" you, would you still call me in the morning?

HILLARY CLINTON- Now Hillary, I want to play fair with you. Since I'm not Gay, of course I wouldn't "kiss" you. So, I thought I would let my husband weigh in on your fate. When asked if he would "kiss" you he answers a flat out NO. Sorry Hill, he doesn't like blondes OR short hair so put your Chap stick away.

JOHN MCCAIN- Okay, now here's the real tough guy I was looking for earlier. Boy, John, you just might have it all. Character, humor, honesty and integrity. I'll just keep reminding myself that's a cancer treatment in your jaw, not a huge wad of smokeless tobacco.

BARACK OBAMA- Okay, this guy's not half bad. A little geeky looking. He just needs to grow into his ears and his grin. He reminds me of a nerdy guy in high school that grows up to be some really successful handsome catch 20 years later. You know, the one everyone wishes they would have dated, but never gave him a chance. In that case, Barack, we'll touch base with you in a few years.

RUDY GIULIANI - Rudy, Rudy, Rudy...Now, I'm tempted to "kiss" you, because you seem like a real 'take charge' kind of guy. The kind of guy that everybody wants to be around. The guy that acts like he owns the place. Hmm. But, that's got me a little worried. If I say I don't want to "kiss" you are you gonna send some mob guy after me?

FRED THOMPSON- Now Fred's great. He's older, wiser and even if he doesn't know what he's talking about he could at least ACT like he does. But he looked a lot cuter when he was acting. Fred, have you lost weight? Because it's not flattering! And to think, the camera adds ten pounds! You're beginning to look a little 'chicken-esque'. Didn't your doctor tell you that you need to put on a few pounds in your later years? One broken hip and your history! I'll consider giving you a "kiss" once you get back to being a biscuit away from 250.

MIKE HUCKABEE- I like MIKE! He's a good catch! They kind of guy you could bring home to mama. Strong values, tough character and no B.S. Yep, he gets a "kiss". And, unlike the last President from Hope, Arkansas, he doesn't smoke cigars! So- that's a plus! What's that Mike? No one knows about you yet? Oh, okay. I guess our "kiss" will just be our little secret for now. Don't worry Mike, we'll show them when it's time to enter the "Kissing" booths!